No 60, July 27 - The Grumbler's County Cricket Newsletter
🟠 Will counties lose that £1.3m payment? 🟣 Why the balls have gone soft ✍️ Join Campaign to Save First-Class Cricket 🟤 B&H Cup 50 years on 🔴 Northeast's 410* 🔵 Bowler dropped for slow over-rate
The affair started five years ago.
It was ‘merely’ emotional at first but an inexorable chain of events had been set in motion and so, inevitably, it became full-on and physical last summer.
It would have been sooner but the pandemic pushed us all back towards the familiar and my wife’s money and loyalty really helped out in those difficult times.
Still, last August, I went ‘all in’. Setting up my new woman in her own pad, lavishing her with all the gifts and attention that my wife had gone without for years. Hell, I even took a month off to move in with her. It squeezed all my other commitments but something had to give. Impressing my ‘mistress’ and my high-rolling mates caused quite a stir. The old dear was left to amuse herself with the grandparents and kids while I emptied the savings we had both built up over the years and wallowed in the limelight.
Let's be honest, we had wanted different things for years. She craved the homely and traditional but said I wanted the crass, empty hedonism of the new. And the crisps would only make her fat anyway. I accept I wanted the profile, the money and, most importantly, to catch up with all my peers, who had overtaken me in the last 30 years. I had found flash new friends in TV to support my dreams. We spread a bit of bullshit about how we were doing but no one seemed bothered enough to call me out. So we carried on. Admittedly, all this meant I dropped a few balls at work. Nothing important, just the woke nonsense around inclusion and diversity.
When pressed, I told my wife and everyone else I wanted to stay together. The old 'we can work it out' trick. And I needed her to look after the kids anyway. But when she tried to stand up to me, I shouted her down. A little aggression and bullying can really help you get what you want in a marriage. Then again, when I am the sole signatory on the bank account and make all the decisions, she can't really do much anyway. And if that doesn’t work my posh mate Andrew is a marriage guidance counsellor. He’s just like me and will surely give us some truly independent advice.
We may need him soon because over the New Year some big, strong Australians made me feel a little insecure again. I became concerned something was wrong.
So, just as I was getting ready for a second August with the new woman, I had a fabulous idea.
As good husbands do, I sat down with my wife and, in a spirit of honesty, integrity and openness, said: "Darling, I think there might be something wrong with our marriage?
“After all, it’s till death us do part, right?”
* Don't worry, me and Mrs G are fine. I just thought I’d start with an allegory this week. But the lesson is simple - whether you have a tired, troubled marraige or run a tired, troubled sport, don’t make huge, irreversible changes, protect them with all your time, money and attention and THEN want to discuss the fundamental, existential issues.
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Interview with Ian from Lancashire Action Group (Prost International)
Listen up. Some county fans are doing something. Join the Campaign to Save First-Class Cricket.
The Lancashire Action Group are canvassing fans for their views on the County Championship, specifically the possible reduction in the four-day game that might come out of Andrew Strauss’ High-Performance Review.
It takes a couple of minutes
It is important
Fill it up and share the link on your social
Weight of numbers will help and if you can’t be bothered to do this then don’t complain when county cricket as we know it ceases to exist.
Here’s a few of stories to convince any waverers.
The English Cricket Board is “not fit for purpose”, says Azeem Rafiq (Spectator)
The long shadows over English cricket (Spectator)
And maybe this…
ECB facing £50 million annual shortfall as budget hit by rising costs (Times) ($)
…is linked to this…
If, as reported, the £1.3m per county bribe, hush money payment only covered the first television deal of the tournament-that-shall-not-be-named then the counties have made a right royal mistake. One that may see some of them disappear. Sadly, money is a great reason to cut anything in the UK, even health services. So sport, which also cannot be measured in financial terms, has no chance. No wonder the ECB were desperate to PR the tournament-that-shall-not-be-named as profitable last year when, clearly, it was not. Elizabeth Ammon’s report highlights that ECB reserves were as high as £75m (then as reported elsewhere, through Covid and you-know-what as low as £2m) and now sit around £22m. Given that Covid saw them lose £16m as they bounced back last year, where have the other costs come from? It won’t all be you-know-what but many have suggested their opaque attitude has been at its height regarding its set-up fees. Richard Thompson is the counties’ choice for the role of ECB chair. As suggested in the tweet below, if he does not get the job then expect the county game to be hit severely. The process of death by a thousand cuts has been underway for years but the powers-that-be are about to accelerate the process by bringing out a bloody great meat cleaver.
Players contracts and news: Umeed (Somerset) Another one from the South Asian Cricket Academy, Stone (Notts - three years) Needs to stay fit though, Patel (Glamorgan - September), Weatherley (Hampshire - contract), Wheal (Warwickshire - loan), Ali (Worcestershire - contract)
Ollie Robinson impresses on county comeback but Notts battle back with the ball (Cricinfo)
Finding Lightning date confirmed (Glamorgan)
Interesting scheme from Glamorgan
Glamorgan Cricket: Great to be in promotion hunt, says Matthew Maynard (BBC)
Sam Northeast: 'I had more nerves in the 190s than in the 390s - which sounds ridiculous' (Cricinfo)
Here's a question - would that incredible game at Grace Road have concluded in the same way had Glamorgan and Leicestershire been slumming it in Conference Three at this point of the season? The Welsh side are in a promotion race to Division One and coach Matthew Maynard clearly loves it. Essex won Conference Two last year but the trophy did not turn up for the presentation so they just posed for a few pictures and went home. No-one really cared.
If the rumours are true there will be another volte-face and the conference system will return next season. I fear that this sort of late-season pointlessness will become the norm unless we can create some sort of interest. And, the outlook of those in charge is not to bother about the 'bottom half' of the first-class counties anyway.
In such circumstances, surely Glamorgan would have just batted on and let Sam Northeast try to break Brian Lara's record? Of course, there is high merit and history in that but by declaring and chasing the victory Glamorgan validated the competitive element of the two-divison structure. They are a first-class county but they want to be a first-division county too.
Yorkshire makes metaverse move (SportsIndustry.Biz)
Yorkshire drop West Indies paceman for match vs Hampshire over slow over rate fears (Mirror)
A weird one. But it is implied that the lack of clarity over next year's format is partly to blame.
Ridiculous scheduling means T20 Blast has become lottery (Yorkshire Post)
This has been the bane of the season for me. One team had eight unscheduled ball changes in one day. All of the captains are trying it on with umpires when the wickets are not coming. A few moans later and, hey presto, a clatter of dismissals.
15 years ago: Durham's Gibson takes all 10 wickets (Northern Echo)
Derbyshire's Tom Wood hit with six-month ban for anti-doping charges (Cricketer)
Can Freddie Flintoff stop English cricket's slow march to wider irrelevance? (Cricinfo)
Hampshire Cricket Pays Tribute To Long-Serving Journalist Pat Symes (Hampshire CCC)
Sad news. Pat Symes was a very well-known journalist on the Hampshire cricket beat.
Former Yorkshire cricketer on horror tale before Edgbaston (Telegraph and Argus)
City Corporation pays tribute to former England cricketer Sajid Mahmood (Cricket World)
Welcome to Scarborough – the last bastion of 'old school' cricket (Telegraph) ($)
A friend of mine from Sheffield who has lived in the US for 20 years came back for a mini tour. He took his all-American daughter to the usual places - London, Winsdor, Stratford-upon-Avon… and North Marine Road. It means something.
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